Rich Apple
                  not gonna put my address on the internet
                  Santa Cruz, CA
                  March 11 th , 2004

Apple Computers
1 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, CA 95014

Dear ApplePeople

Extremely early in this year I sent a letter to you, and when I saw the evening news a couple days later I realized that all of you were no doubt away from the offices and enjoying your yearly big hullabaloo up at the Moscone Center. I worried a smidgen that when you all got back to work there'd be such a huge pile of mail that my letter might get tossed (well, recycled, of course) along with applications for new company credit cards and offers for free first issues of magazine subscriptions, the further issues of which can be canceled by simply returning the invoice marked “cancel”.

But I'm going to guess the odds of that having happened at only about 17%, and I'll throw about 70% odds at my letter having been cheerfully received, appreciated, and even as I now write again, no doubt being circulated through the marketing department as the proper forms and approvals are filled out for how best to fix me up with a spiffy new dual 1.8 GHz G5 and make a walking advertisement of me.

As for other possibilities, I'm going to give odds of only 5% or so to the opinions of most of my friends who are ridiculing me and insisting “they're not going to give you a computer” . That leaves 8%, so into that bucket I'll just plop a combination of all the “act of nature” type mishaps such as a stray dog sneaking into the mail room and eating my letter, or perhaps an ambitious letters screening type person getting all excited by the letter and scurrying off to Hollywood to turn it into a screenplay.

What I don't even want to consider is that corporate times have changed so much in the last 20 years that a personal letter from some lone individual (regardless of what the heck his name is) is examined for any legal obligation to reply, and lacking such does find its way to the recycling bin. (And yes, I can see how neatly the word “nut” might have fit there in place of “individual”…)

So just in case the 17% chance of accidental “redirection” occurred, or some bizarre event in the 8% “other” category happened, I am sending my letter again (enclosed). Again it's accompanied by the pages from my pamphlet showing my letter from 1985, and this time, on the back of that, I'm throwing in a bonus! It's a copy of the friendly reply I received from a “Lynne Hoppe” of “Customer Relations” in 1985. Note that the little Apple logo at the top of her original letter is indeed multi-colored… (And a big “hello” to Lynne if she's still there!)

Due to the way things usually seem to work in this universe, the very day I drop this in the mailbox I know I'll get home and find your very nice letter giving directions to your Apple store for me to pick up my new Mac (for free or at a sweet discount). If that happens, please accept my sincerest apologies for this letter that could possibly be misconstrued as “nagging”. I would personally choose to patiently wait another couple months while you folks work out all the red tape, but believe me, the teasing and needling from my “non-believer” friends is taking its toll. I feel I have to tell them something.  

Thank You,

Rich Apple


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